Long Roads Travelled in Twilight
by lirpa
Summary: Hard to explain, you kinda have to raed it. Monolouge, like all the rest.


Long Roads Travelled in Twilight  
Prolouge  
  
  
You know, there are some sad people in the world. People, if you're truthful, the world could do without. Right now, I can honestly say that I feel like one of those people, the people that everyone pities, but never stops to get to know. The world just keeps walking by my dark, little corner of space, hoping that next time I won't be there. And maybe the next time I won't. I don't have a tatse for the darkness, you know, it was thrust upon, like so much else in my life. My entire life I've felt like I'm just a puppet and someone higher up is pulling the strings that make me walk and talk, move and live. I'm not sure if I can say live, though. What is a life without happiness, without adventure? Maybe I can't answer that queation for you, but I can tell you that it makes me feel empty, and worthless, like a rebel without a cause, or a person without a job. And if I'm not careful I could be both, after all Vince isn't real happy with tha way I'm choosing to come back. He doesn't see how much I need the adulation of the fans, just getting my feet under me again, like I am. I suppose I could try and take the time to explain it to him, but Vince doesn't understand emotion, he just understands ratings. So maybe it would be better to convince him of better ratings this way, after all the fans did get prerry damn fed up with that whole Alliance angle, and now the shows just suck. Let's face it, they need me, because, after all, I am that damn good, and everyone knows it.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Looking back, one of the biggest mistakes I made was marrying Stephanie. It was a marriage of convience, although we tried to convince everybody otherwise when we were on camera. But in the back, you could hear her screeching voice droning on and on. Telling me how to improve and what to do better, telling me that I wasn't worthy of being married to her. And at first, no matter how stupid this sounds, I thought she was right. I mean her father owns this company, she probably knew more about wrestling in her crib than most average people will learn in a lifetime. So, I trusted her and I allied myself with Vince, allied DX with Vince. And it just got worse and worse. I lost friends I'd had for what seems like forever in Stephanie's efforts to change me. And I thought that I was better off without them because she said I was better off without them. When I look back, I realize that I resembled a puppy, you know, eager to please, willing to do whatever, just to be praised, to be told that you were good. The only difference is that most puppies actually get the praise that they seek, while I never did. I could always do better, I was never perfect. While with Stephanie I had begun to see perfection as attainable, I don't know when, I just know that I didn't wake up one morning and say, " Gee, I have to be perfect." It was nothing like that. It was a slow, insidious thing. Everytime I reached Stephanie's expectations she'd raise the bar just a little, couldn't I do that a little better, or this could use a little more work. And soon, soon, there was only perfect left, I was so close, I could feel it, feel it slipping through my fingers, and I got so angry, so angry. And I took it out on everyone, yes my trusty sledgehammer and I were compensating, perhaps overcompensating , for my own inadequacies, or what I believed to be my own inadequacies. I know know that the perfection that I so wanted, for Stephanie, to make her believe that I was worth the effort, can't be reached. I realize now that I could have killed myself trying to be something no one, not me, not Angle, not Austin, can ever be. No one can be perfect, so I don't try anymore, I just try to be the best I can be, and I don't do it for Stephanie, I do it for me, because I deserve to know that I've done the best that I possibly could, because the fans deserve to know that I've given them everything that I possibly could. By being married to Stpehanie I've realized that I'm human, and it's human to make mistakes, you can't stop making them, but you can remeber them, and try not to make them again. By being married to Stephanie I've learned that power is not as important as I had first thought it was. I've learned that I don't need the WWF championship belt, although it is kind of nice to have, to be the best. I now know that if I do my best for my fans and myself I don't need the belt. I've learned that being cheered is actually a good feeling, that I enjoy knowing that the fans jump to their feet cheering when they hear my music. That hasn't happened in such a long time I'd almost forgotte what it felt like, almost. I don't think that you can completely forget the feelings you feel when 20,000 people start cheering for you. I fills the empty places in your soul, it makes you feel loved and accepted and good enough to go out there and do your job. The cheers make it bearable, the love makes it worthwhile, and I don't ever want to have to go without those two things again.   
  
I suppose you could say the injury was a gift in diguise, it allowed me a lot of time to think of what my marriage was and what I was getting out of it while I watched Stephanie do her little ECW angle. There were times I found myself agreeing with Jericho, there were times I felt like telling him, "You don't know the half of it, buddy!" She never phoned you know, not once. She wasn't by my side when I was shaking so badly from the rehab that I couldn't move. My old friends, people that I had alienated, came to visit, phoned me with their get well wishes, but she never did. I realized then, sitting around one day, in a wheelchair, that I was useless to her now. I ouldn't save her, I couldn't protect her, my reputation wasn't there to enhance her own. What good was I doing the Billion Dollar Princess sitting in Birmingham? None. I was just a pawn to her, a pawn hat could be sacrificed to take someone else's knight or rook, or whatever other chess piece you'd like to add in there. Our marriage was like a game to her. I realized that for the last year I had been telling the fans, "That I was The Game!" and I had been so skillfully played by my own wife that I hadn't even noticed, or maybe I hadn't wanted to notice. But whatever it was I assure you that I see it now, that I won't let it blind me, that I won't let HER blind me,or stop me or persuade me from doing what it is I really love to do. What is that, youmay ask. And since I'm in such a sharing mood I'll tell you. I'm not going to let Stephanie or Vince or Angle or whoever else is in the locker room dissuade me from doing what I do best, entertaining the fans, because at that, at least i can say, with a clear conscience, I AM that damn good.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
My injury was a kind of blessing in diguise. As I've already said, it gave me time away from Stpehanie to regroup, to gain my self confidence back. And I managed to, although an ijury that would keep me out of the loop wouldn't be my first choice to do something like that, a spiritual retreat would have been just as good, maybe better. after all, spiritual retreats don't often come with mind numbing pain. The injury did allow me to realize a lot of things, however. And it allowed me to stop selling myself short, to stop allowing Stephanie to tell me what I was, to stop allowing Stephanie shape who I was going to be. A lot of the realizations I had pretained to Stephanie, a lot of the desicions I made surronded Stephanie. And while she was off doing her ECW thing I was quietly and efficiently removing her from my life. Whent he odd phone call came form her, I was sleeping, or I was rehabbing and couldn't be disturbed. I cut her out of my life, just like she had cut me out of hers. I was not going to pant after a phone call from a woman who barely had time to say two words to me before she had to attend another strategy mewting with Shane, or some other crap like that. I didn't need her. I was better of on my own, and while I was doing nothing but preparing to step back to where I was before I was injured I realized that. I wasn't going to let her run my life anymore. I was going to do what i wanted when I wanted, Stephanie be damned. I knew she wan't happy with, after all, I was her ticket back into the WWF, Vince sure wouldn't let her in, and we both knew it. After her business venture collapsed under her, you would think she would come back, spend some time with, try and work out out marital difficulties. But no, she was sulking aroung the WWF still, even though she wasn't a par of it anymore, looking for a job. Since I couldn't wrestle yet I was of no use to her. But more often than not when I was injured I would simply put Steph out of my mind, focus only on getting back to the WWF, focus only on being the best I could be, not perfect, but damn good. Focus only on people that mattered, the fans. Vince knew that I wanted to come back as a face, and truthfully if he culs have stopped it I think he would have. But Vince had been telling the people for too long that Triple H will be back on January 7th, and people were looking forward to it. The announcement was greeted with cheers insted of boos. I remember watching the programs those weeks leding up to January 7th. I remember thinking how great it would to be there, in those arenas, in those moments, so i could have something Vince and his storylines couldn't take away from me.  
  
I was so nervous the nights leading up to my return. I was wondereing if the muscle would hold, wondering if I would damage the still tender muscle and be put on the shelf again, just as I was making my triumphant return. I worried so much , I think that I may have worried myself into an early grave had my old friends not found me and taken me out, made me forget my troubles, made me live life again. Made me do things that I hadn't done for eight months because I had been too busy either plotting revenge on Stephanie or rehabbing. I didn't do anything but train they said. I had to learn to live again. And with the help of friends who I hade betrayed and abandoned I learned what it was like to be human again. I learn to take joy in simple things. I learned to saty clam about the little things. And because of the injury I was able to put things into perspective. The injury showed me waht was really important in life, what I needed to be able to let go and to what I should cling to with my whole being, never letting go of. The injury taught me a lot about myself as well. It taught me that I had an inner strength that I was unaware of, a strength I could tap whenever I needed it. I learned to be patient, because things like injuries don'e hal as quickly as you'd like the to. I learned to look inside myself for the answers to questions that seemed unanswerable. The injury may have hurt like hell, I may hev felt useless and helpless, unable to even walk, but I learned so much about the world around me, and about me, and where I stood and what I could do realistically, and I larned o be human, and to love and care for others in a way that i'd forgotten about in my little maelstrom of hate. Perhaps I can say, as I make my return that the injury has given me far more than it has taken away from me.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
At long last, I'm making much much anticipated return. Well, I'm anticipating and the fans are anticipating. Stephanie, on the other hand, couldn't care if I never came back, only I'm her ticket back into the fed. Vince is anticipating all the money he's going to make off of me. Oh well, each to his own, or something like that. I know that I've never been more ready to go out there and do my job. And I've never seen the back more happy to let me go out there and do my job. The last little while, maybe three years now, I haven't been really well liked in the back, after all, I've been doing things that nobody liked me doing. And I've been winning championships doing them. But, looking back, that could have helped with the self confidence issues. If I'd had other friends than DX than maybe I wouldn't have fallen into Stephanie's trap. But now, she has no friends, she's in the same position I was, and she'll never see my trap coming, until too late that is. Oh, how sweet revenge will be. But that's not the only thing that I've bben thinking about, oh no. I've spent a lot of timethinking about Chris Jericho's titles, he's held onto them loger than I thought he would. But I know how Chris Jericho fights. I should, after all, how many matches did I wrestle him for my wife's "honour"? I've lost track, and it doesn't matter. I know how Chris Jericho thinks, what he feels, where he's vulnerable, hey, they don't call me the cerebral assassin for nothing. So Chris Jericho is the least of my worries, I'll have his belts in no time, and he knows it, or at least I think he does. Maybe that's why he's changed his character so much. Does the silly boy actually think that I still can't read him like and old, cherished, and well loved novel? Fool! I know it, and when I take his belts, he'll know it too.   
  
But on too more pressing matters. My return is mere moments away. Am I nervous, not really. Which is strange because I thought that I would be, I was all set to be nervous. I was nervous in the days leading up to this moment, and standing here I feel ... nothing,. No, that's not right, I feel ... at peace, like I've found my home. Home, I like the sound of that, the way you can just roll it off your tongue, the welcoming feel of the word. Yes, the World Wrestling Federation is my home. With all it's loose canons and egomaniacs it's more my home than any other place that I've ever been. And it's a nice feeling, this feeling of being home. It's just as nice when I walk out there, hearing the people scream, picking out sighns that say, "Welcome back HHH". It's a nice feeling, a safe feeling, my communing with the crowd. They make me feel wanted and accepted, for they've accepted all that I am and they still missed me when I was gone. And Kurt Angle doesn't belong in my welcome. I don't want him here and from the sounds of it, the fans don't want him here either. Oh, and he thinks that he's going to win MY Royal Rumble. Vince needs to dip into the bank and buy this man a brain, I'm going to the Royal Rumble and then I'm going to Wrestlemania because just like I say, and the fans know, "It's true! It's true!", I'm that DAMN good. And if he thinks that with Stephanie's help he's going to beat me , and she probably will, help him that is, she's always liked Kurt, than he's a bigger fool than I thought. Actually, I don't think that's possible. You can't be a bigger fool than I think Kurt Angle is. So Kurt thinks he's going to win, well I think he'd look nice laid out on the mat, so that's where I'll put him, and when I get done with him, I'm not exactly sure yet, but it won't be pretty. You don't mess with the Game on the night of his return. What do you know, Kurt looks just as good laid out as I thought he would, and I've never felt better. It's been so long since I've been able to do my job, to beat someone up, and I've missed it, as sadistic as that sounds, I've missed it. I've missed the physicality of wrestling, the way it gets your adrenalin pumping, just standing in that ring, in front of thousands of people. Oh, how I've missed it. But I have it again, and I'm never letting go. It feels so good to be back, and I'm back in the biggest way imaginable. I can feel it in the crowd, I can feel it in the back, everyone is hapy to see good ol' HHH.   
  
It's kinda freaky though. Eight months ago the people would have been booing my ass off for doing the same thing. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder, or it dulls the memories. The adrenalin is still running through my blood. I can't believe it's over. I've done in five minutes, alright maybe ten, what I've strived for for eight months, I've come to the light at the end of my tunnel, I suppsoe you could say. But the light at the end of MY tunnel hasn't got clouds and angels with harps, it's got spotlights and people with flash cameras. And I'm happier to see those flashes than I could be to hear any sweet harp music, because after all when you hear the music there isn't any going back. And I have come back, as if from the dead. Now all that's left to do is convince everyone, the locker room , the bookers, and most importantly, the fans, that I mean business. Yes, everyone, HHH is back, and he's here to stay, because he is just that damn good. 


End file.
